April 16, 2009
How else would you do it?
- S: do it
- S: roll down the hill
- S: like a pimp
- A: you are so strange
- S: in a hot way
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April 12, 2010
That's what they invented popsicles for.
- Ezra: I wanted to stay because we were having fun, but my throat hurts from laughing.
- Me: There are worse things your throat could hurt from.
- Ezra: Like sucking dick...
- Me: You took the dick right out of my mouth.
June 3, 2011
Treats all around!
- Matt: I always find it weird when people give me things
- Matt: I never know how to respond
- Me: do people usually just give you prophylactics?
- Matt: that, or the ones that don't are usually trying to give me aids
- Matt: I always just find it weird when coworkers come in and hand me doughnuts for no reason
- Me: donuts filled with infected semen
- Me: awesome!
- Matt: thanks, you've now ruined filled doughnuts for me
August 25, 2011
Views on Child Rearing
- Frank: what's up?
- Me: i'm babysitting
- Frank: babysitting? for fun or profit?
- Me: definitely not something i'd do just for fun! for a friend in need
- Frank: i haven't babysat for several years
- Frank: how old is the child and are you teaching him/her bad habits?
- Me: he is 17 months old, and i'm trying to teach him gang signs
- Frank: O_O
- Frank: it would seem that teaching him alcoholism would be more beneficial to his life expectancy
- Me: depends on if he ends up living in compton or not, i suppose
- [some time passes]
- Frank: have you taught the child to make crack yet?
- Me: baby steps, frank. starting with meth!
October 9, 2011
Celebrities First
- Me: It's sad, I kind of looked like that girl from Little Miss Sunshine as a kid. Chubby and nerdy.
- Drew: That's alright--I looked like Leonardo Dicaprio in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.
- Dan: Oh yeah? Well, I came out looking like Harrison Ford! In your face!
October 15, 2011
Yes, a WN.
- Me: did you see this one? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KmLgONR8k9o#!
- Andrew: yes...but...who get's that weird ass stork that's staring at him the whole time?
- Me: i wondered the same
- Andrew: I wish he was my grandfather....for the stork, of course.....and maybe a few of the more valuable dildos.
- Andrew: Like the one's that were owned by Clark Gable...or Kenny Chesney.
- Me: or wayne newton
- Andrew: He's Got A WAYNE NEWTON??!!!!
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